Escort

Sitting here at the doctor's office. I'm like a professional escort for my family. Just drive people to their appointments, sit by my laptop and blog about everything.

My mum's in for her cough and something else, hopefully it's nothing. But man, our family as a whole has gotten so many doctor's visits in that we're likely adding wings to medical institutions. I really should get in the medical healthcare as a profession so that I can make some of it back.

So I'm going through my jumbled archive of American Baby, sorting it all in order so that I can print it into a book, and I realized how keeping the blog really helps me remember a lot of things that I've otherwise forgotten. Obviously, describing the day recounts some of those things, but it's the pedestrian things that I was thinking and doing while writing it that's also good for jogging those memories. But after about 5 minutes of cutting and pasting, along with the droney classical music that's seeping through the waiting room, I'm practically comatose. I need some stinkin' overtures to get me going, damn it.

Anyway, I had a thought about being evil. I think people in general like to think that evil is removed from our society, and that people like Cho are evil because they might have been abused, ignored, delusional, psychotic, what have you. They're always trying to pin evil on some kind of history that's deviant from the rest of us. That being evil is triggered by something dark and sinister, something horrible.

Was flipping through a Life Magazine Book (what?) yesterday and I came across many evils of mankind. There are some photos that reinforce humanity, but the ones that draw our attentions are the ones that linger around death. Just before death, the transition of it, or the aftermath of it. Of course, there's a lot of it that has nothing to do with the notion of evil, but there's a handful that certainly does. The evil that looms within the soul of an individual.

DOOOOOMMMM. DOOOOOMMMM! But seriously, I think getting people on camera to say that Cho was a weirdo, that he was antisocial, that he was this and that, are all ways of trying to distance him from the rest of us. Was he evil? Well, I would say yes. But I think only to a certain degree. I know my homebrew psychology doesn't amount to much, but here it is. I think he is evil in a sense that he did not regard the lives that he was going to affect.

But you read about him and some of it do ring true to home, I mean, most of us probably at some point didn't want to communicate with the world, just wanted to feel sorry for ourselves, and acted a little loco toward the opposite sex, right? Not to the extreme, but we think of it. There are times when we wished everyone in the room would just go away. Not die, but just to disappear for a while. Is that evil? Or is that just our ego trying to gain control over something that cannot be manipulated? We don't really like to acknowledge that the notion exists in any of us, and when it surfaces we like to squelch it with reasons.

Well, enough of that.