It's ironic that I was once so bored with my job and I felt like I wasn't challenged enough. And above all that, I had no time to do anything at all. Because now I'm constantly thinking about work, worried about work, and dealing with constant deadlines that I have to constantly tell myself to relax and pace myself. It has gone the opposite direction and considering the circumstances, I am feeling much better about my job and where I stand in the world, although I don't feel like I have enough time to do everything that I need to do.
For a while when I was helping out at my current position, I would simply enjoy the longer days, playing a lot of video games, feeling much more relaxed. Now I play far less video games, mostly on weekends and not even that much. For some reason I'm gravitating toward watching shows more, its passive nature somehow seems a little more appealing to me. And perhaps, just being able to find the time and place to play my type of games can be difficult.
I've been thinking about video a lot, it really seems to be my medium of choice despite its inherent difficulty. It's easy to take a bad photo and make it interesting, but bad video is just bad video to me. My expectations for my HD camera have been borderline, recently hearing about people using their DSLRs to take classy looking videos have gotten my interest spiked, even though it is still lingering in the ball park of the prosumer cameras. I don't really have a great reason for getting a high end camera of any sorts, since I'm not actively pursuing any artistic endeavors. But nothing like nice looking video gets me feeling giddy. The Nikon D3100 has entered my field of vision, and it's a camera that retails for about the same as my D50 years ago. I don't really have any need to upgrade the still photography aspect of it, although having that bundled with HD video is something that I would love to be able to do. And with the lenses that I have? Sweetened the pot instantly.
I don't know, it's just to fulfill that gadget bug that constantly bites at me, I'm not even entirely sure how much shooting I would actually do when I do get a camera with video. Probably not much than I am now. For now I'll likely shelf the idea because of the moving in June, the possibly layoffs, and god knows what else.
It's really like a lie that I tell myself, that I'm ok doing what I do, when I really miss going around shooting movies and telling stories that nobody really watches. If only I had the gift of drawing, or animation, or having friends to make movies with me. Well, off to bed. Friday's around the corner.